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Brian Dieck has a bug up his ass, and that bug is making him want to shoot Man vs. Self.

Man vs. Self is a script I wrote… 3(?) years ago and has just kind of been hanging out on my shelf and on the hard drives of friends. For reasons mysterious Mr. Dieck has a fever, and the only cure is Man vs. Self.

So, fueled almost entirely by Brian Dieck’s drive to get this movie underway we have a three day shoot coming up to tackle the first few scenes of the movie as well as some shots from later in the script so we can piece together a fake trailer of sorts to try to pimp some budget for the rest of the film.

For those of you as super pumped about Waiting for Waiting for Godot as I am- fear not- That’s getting shot too. Expect WFWFG by the time I go back to school, and expect the scenes/trailer for Man vs. Self sometime after that. While they’ll both likely be shot in July there is going to be a lot more post-production required on Man vs. Self.

So while we get ready to shoot Waiting for Waiting for Godot we are also currently casting Man vs. Self as I work over the script a bit more before we shoot it.

Busy summer. Should be worth it though.

I’ve spent the better part of the last few days writing. Most of the time has been spent on Waiting for Waiting for Godot and the rest has been spent making notes for my new top-secret book idea which is hilarious and will make billions of billions of dollars. In the time spent on the former I’ve wrestled with one line in particular- the one mentioned in the title of this update: “I’m crowning here, sir!”

Crowning, as you may know, is a term used in childbirth to describe the moment a baby’s head can be seen through the vaginal opening.

(LATE WARNING: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC CONTENT! Really, it’s going to get worse before it gets better…)

However, in the case of Waiting for Waiting for Godot it describes the moment a large piece of feces begins crossing the threshold of the anus despite one’s (in the case, the character of Vlad) best efforts to contain said feces.

To compare pooping to childbirth, as it turns out, is funny to no one but me. Everyone at the reading, my producing partner, and several people who’ve read the script for me have ALL expressed their opinions on the line- none of them favorable.

The reason I even bring up the line’s demise is that I feel it should exist somewhere after I cut it out of the script, and for those who feel the line is over the top here, I present for you the original draft of the scene in Waiting for Waiting for Godot in which the line would have appeared, maybe afterwards you’ll see what great restraint I showed in cutting it down to only one tasteless pooping = childbirth line.

VLAD
I think I’m in trouble!

ETSY
Just go!

VLAD
We can’t leave! But seriously, this is a big one.

ETSY
Go!

VLAD
It’s like I’m having contractions!

ETSY
Will you please just go!

VLAD
I feel like I should have been offered an epidural.

Vlad grunts loudly.

VLAD
I’m crowning here, sir!

ETSY
GO!

…Vlad finally poops then returns to his seat next to Etsy…

ETSY
Do you feel better now?

VLAD
I think I have post pardum depression.

Doesn’t seem so bad now- does it?